Friday, April 25, 2008

What is this blog about?

This blog is about unchosen, children of the mentally ill/Personality Disordered. I myself am an unchosen. After years of chaos, tears, and wondering what exactly was wrong with my mother and by extension myself (since according to her all the worlds problems are my fault), I learned that she has Borderline Personality Disorder. Wiki gives a good overview of what this is. You can find it here-

My mom didn't choose to be mentally ill. My siblings and I didn't choose to be abused. However......I do believe that my mother (and yes, father) has the ultimate responsibility for bringing the 3 of us into the world and exposing us to what they did.
One truth about unchosen is that the deck is stacked against us. Once someone, anyone, knows that your parent has a pd or mi you're screwed. Game over and do not pass go, no $200. Very few people can see past a mi whether a kid has it or the parent has it. They make the assumption that by default a child of mi parent is also mi. So let's say you're a kid, with a mi parent, and you have a typical kid meltdown.
You are now diagnosed as having antisocial personality disorder......or schizophrenia.....or something, anything but what it is really is-a child having a meltdown. Parents don't want you around their kids, teachers are wary of you and the whole time what adults don't realize is that they are contributing to the problem. Children of the mi are alienated/isolated by the very people who are supposed to help. Many unchosen are set up to continue a viscous cycle of self hate, low achievement, being underemployed, etc. We don't get the nurturing we need at home. Stability is a joke when your mother is in the psych ward for months at a time. All the life skills that we need to be taught aren't taught to us. Well OK-learning how to dodge bill collectors or when to check and see if mom was still breathing was useful to some extent but the application of those skills in the real world is a bit dicey.

The above is a short blurb about what this blog will be about-the life of an unchosen and the truth of our lives. How we are isolated, ignored, and abused. How people are shocked when we tell our stories. How they say "didn't you tell someone?" and how we answer "yes we did but you looked away."

1 comment:

raisinhale said...

"Yes we did, but you turned away."

My Anthem, my life, my curse.
Here's a medley of my personal favorites:

"Well I'm sure she's doing the best she can."
"It couldn't be that bad"
"Just say your sorry"
"Just look at things from ther viewpoint"
ON and on, so on and so forth.
The BPD refuses to accept personal responsability for anything bad and all credit for anything good. There is no compromise, no conversation, only capitulation or torture. Agree or be punished, agree and be punished. There is no win, only the choice to fight back or lay down. Neither choice is respected.
The unchosen ones have had to learn the hard way. Anyone that has not personally experienced this holocaust of the soul does not want to think that such evil can lurk in the hearts of men (and certainly not women, mothers, nurturers)
Others, perceiving the darkness, turn away quicly lest they be drawn in to this black hole of truthlessness. An inner alarm clanging, WRONG WRONG WRONG! It is wrong but without accountability there is no righting this titanic ship of human misbehavior.
Truth is we all have a bit of this darkness inside. Only a few will acknowledge that it can become the driving force and the reason for living, not something to be fought and avoided.
At the root of MI is selfishness, this is to sharp for some to swallow. Truth can hurt, it can be very painfull indeed.